10(2/2)

“其实我知道你不是太懂事的人啦,”冯乐心说,“不过也可以有犯错的权利。”

;今天是很好的一天,三十度,云层很厚。乔渐渐复苏了哭声,他把自己往冯乐心怀里塞,碧绿色的眼眸像宝石一样绚烂,水汽熏出别样的色彩。冯乐心什么都没问,眼泪也不再给他擦,只是一味地顺着他的背,用哄小孩子的语气和他说没关系。

冯乐心不打破他的沉默,不打破他的伪装,不打破他的自恃清高。陪着他在沉默里收拾残局,他一面惶恐不安,冯乐心那句其实我知道你不是懂事的人是什么意思。

但他还是很清楚冯乐心喜欢这个颜色,因为冯乐心总是会看着他的发色和眼睛发呆。

他听见自己僵硬地开口,称得上冷酷无情的拒绝,“不行。”

“那要怎么做你才满意呢?”

“可是我不想伤害子玉了,社长。”冯乐心叹息地开口。

他找到了自己伴侣的出轨对象,提出了新的近似出轨的要求。是要报复谁?他和爱人共用一个出轨对象,是能报复谁?这么多年就过来了,现在对冯乐心说这样的话,又是在嫉妒谁?

“把你对肖子玉做的,也对我做一次吧。”冯乐心问为什么,乔沉默了一瞬,目光落在不远处宿舍楼下的长椅,那坐着一个有些单薄的身影。他不知道肖子玉等了多久,冯乐心寝室的灯黑着,在一看就知道宿舍里没人的情况下,肖子玉也心甘情愿的等着。

这一切死而复生了,在可悲的悲剧里。

乔早已分不清自己的出发点是什么,那场将他淹没的大雨持续下了几年,形成一道洪流,从前这道海里有他和肖子玉,像监狱般禁锢着彼此,他无法放肖子玉上岸,却又无法将他溺毙。乔最后的疗药是所谓的时间会治愈一切。看不见尽头的海终于裹挟了新的受害者,在这片深海里他看见越来越近的冯乐心。

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是……他对冯乐心确实攻击性太强。人前他对冯乐心只字不关心,独处时却挑冯乐心的刺,离他太远,离他太近,太沉默,太聒噪,太装纯,太坏,什么事都会挑冯乐心的不对,把冯乐心指责的低下头。所以冯乐心是这个意思吗?他过去对冯乐心字字诛心,私底下用最恶劣的态度去换冯乐心的注意,现在上天就要把自己最丑陋的一面赔给冯乐心吗?

他不再和肖子玉有过界,也不是自己的社员,从此冯乐心不用在受到他的诘难,也不用忍受肖子玉身边人对他的垂涎。

等乔哭完已经过去很长一段时间。他哭的太久,说话时每一个字都扯着嗓子,他最恨的冯乐心帮他整理着装,等他整理情绪。喉咙的疼痛让乔没有办法开口说话,仿佛也将刚刚的自己割裂开,他不是那个一哭一个小时的孩子气的人,他是最可靠的,家里的顶梁柱。

“那就可以伤害我吗?”他问道,“因为我恨你吗?”

“大概就是见到面能普通的打个招呼,彼此和平相处吧。你觉得呢?这样可以接受吗?”听见冯乐心的解释,乔突然一愣,后知后觉到自己把心里的话说出口。冯乐心的答复让他不受控地感到忧惧,和平相处,除此之外就没有了吗?

乔楞楞地看着越来越近的宿舍楼,冯乐心回过头,终于开了第一句,“如果我不再伤害你,我们可以回到最普通的关系吗?”

这样好吗?可以吗?我能接受吗?

他曾经有最爱的人,他对最爱的人,有着真爱的梦。

“我只要这一个,冯乐心,你也只能这么选,你不能在和肖子玉保持这样的关系,却要把给他的一切都给我。”乔说,“你只能这样做,因为我不会爱你。”

“因为我嫉妒,我想报复。”嫉妒谁?报复谁?

乔不知道自己是什么表情,或者说他做不出表情。他拉着冯乐心的手腕,巨大的变故将他的理智一再摧毁,乔决定一切放任本能。

最普通的关系是怎样的关系?

宿舍楼的距离原来这么短吗……?

常年在水里泡着会发胀,发皱,乔像一片纸飘荡,落在冯乐心的周围。冯乐心身上有岸上土地的清晰,海的腥咸早就已经深入骨髓,冯乐心身上微不足道的气息让他想起最想回到的日子里。

而肖子玉从没发现自己从两年前开始,不曾再给他留过小夜灯。

直到社团教室的门锁上,这份沉默也没有人来打破。冯乐心对自己不好奇吗?他说了那么多句恨他,冯乐心没有怨言吗?还是冯乐心真的像天上的月亮那么皎洁,以德报怨,从不报复恶意?乔想到这一点,几乎是惊慌地否定了。比起接受冯乐心和肖子玉一样是个水性杨花的人,他更难接受冯乐心是个真正好的,善良纯真到笨拙的人。

一面又尝试捡起自己的矜贵,谁都好,他最不愿意在冯乐心丢了面子。冯乐心曾经夸过他的头发很漂亮,是他见过最喜欢的的颜色。乔当时哼了一声,只当冯乐心有意讨好自己,只是拉近关系。事后却又更在意自己的发丝管理,被他护理的像丝绸一样闪闪发光,冯乐心却没有再夸赞他。

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